Toy Store

I don't really know where my youth went. I'd like to think that I still have it. I'm a firm believer of that whole "keep your childish innocence" stuff. But really, innocence is a broad term. Nevertheless, I try to maintain this jubilant outlook when I buy birthday gifts for my cousin's kids. There are 5 girls and 1 boy, so I'm almost always wrapping something or other in pink. Now, typically, I like to go with the whole outfit idea, since my fashion sense is far more up-to-date than anything that might be shelf-sitting in the toy-isle. But, this past weekend I decided to shift my gear, take a step in a different direction, be bold and yes, walk straight into the section of plastic.

1st note: Barbies. Holy Cow. There are so many. And they all look slutty. They look like barbies on crack with purple eyeshadow and orange lipstick. This is why Ken always looks happy. This is why every man on planet earth is happy when they see girls painted and dressed this way. Some of the barbies have fins, roller blades or princess dresses on. Some have blue eyes and others have brown. A good number of barbies are very pale-skinned, so you know they came from a manufacturing place somewhere in the Midwest, and others are so dark you can't tell if she's an African American, Mexican or Indian with a really deep-set tan. That's when you have to look at the package details that it comes with, and if a pool is included with it's own little miniature bottle of SPF, then you may very well be right when thinking it's a very tanned, ethnic barbie.

2nd note: Kai Lan. Exactly, who the hell is Kai Lan? Well, I learned that Kai Lan is this little Asian character that has a friend named Tolee (sp?) and they like to hang out in Asian-like settings, have sleepovers, and cook in bakeries. I couldn't decide if the life-size doll freaked me out, or was so real looking that I was tempted to asking her advice on which product to pick. This may have looked psychotic to the outside viewer, but really, if they read this blog entry, they'd think I was crazy already. Not crazy for shopping for a gift, but crazy for not smiling and wishing I had kids and feeling all motherly-like when I do. This is my problem. I don't feel this way. I never feel this way. I see toys and I want to run in the opposite direction towards the wine isle. I love the wine isle.

3rd note: The baby dolls equipped with strollers, bottles and pampers, the play kitchen sets, cleaning sets and grocery cart-shopper sets. WHY? Why would I give my 3 year old child a baby to take care of? Why would I want the kid to know how to change a diaper, feed a bottle and respond to a mechanical battery every time it coos or wails? This is horrible, and this is precisely what is wrong with women today. We were traumatized at an early age to play "mommy." Society doesn't even allow little girls to just be. Then, the kitchen sets and the cleaning sets that come with pots and pans, and vacuum cleaners, respectively. It's ridiculous. No child should be persuaded to "want to" play with these items or "need to" play with these items. They should stop selling them. Girls will be doing those things soon enough, and if they aren't cooking and cleaning and taking care of screaming babies by the time they're 25, then they feel that their entire "fantasy," childhood world full of these memories were for nothing. They feel failure. Trust me, I've been shopping for groceries for myself for years now. There was no need to introduce me to the oatmeal package that I consume, alone, on a daily basis at the age of 5. I would hate it 15 years later. Women get depressed, and angry because they get nostalgic for a world they can't help to create without the marriage part. That's where Ken is supposed to come in. Honestly, we could probably be okay if we just got rid of the Ken doll. We really should just blame our entire quarter-life crisis on Ken.

If you're wondering what I ended up buying: a Kai Lan tree house play set. I carried that in one arm, and my wine bottle in the other. Truth be told--they do have better games than we did. I mean CLUE now has a Harry Potter version. Now that, I was actually very tempted to buy.