Labeled

I googled “inspirational quotes” at 11AM on a Thursday. I clicked on the first link that the search results provided. Then on that web page were more links to choose from: Happiness, Life, Success, Motivation, Fear of Failure and on and on. I was so confused. I just sat there staring at my options. I then tried to categorize my feelings, and my need for wanting to find an inspirational quote in the first place. Do I need motivation on Success? Do I need words of wisdom for Life? The truth was that I answered “yes,” in my head, to all of them. So, just how was I supposed to narrow down my emotions? Is that even possible? I became, very suddenly, uninspired to be inspired.

I just wanted to read through quotes. I don’t know what category I want the “inspirational quote” to come from. Not even the simplest things, tasks, little “pick me ups” are easily found. You have to dig deep, and keep trying link after link after link until maybe something familiar that you may have been searching for comes up. It’s exhausting.

I average about 2 different jobs a year. Every 6 months, since I graduated from college, I get a new job. I either A. decide to move, B. get fired or C. get bored. I’m a perfectly smart, perfectly capable employee competent enough to handle most any mundane task that the ‘PR’ world will bring about. I blame the A. on my excitement to try a new city, the B. on the fact that women who end up being my boss immediately hate me because I, too, am a woman and C. because I just wasn’t interested in the role anymore; it just wasn’t ‘me.’ But what IS me? What job IS going to define who I am, and the place I’m supposed to take in this world? The truth is: no job will. Not because there isn’t the ‘perfect job’ out there for me, but because no job, no title should ever DEFINE who I am as an individual. Any career is not going to provide the answer for what I am meant to do in this life. Why? Because that isn’t life.For example, I used to work as an event coordinator for a very large company. One day someone said to me, “ I heard you’re an event planner or something.” The statement pierced my soul like the head of an arrow. I stopped dead in my tracks and thought, “ yea, but no.” Yes, I work as an event coordinator, but no that’s not all I can and want to do! I immediately had a sudden urge to pull out all of my tricks to prove to this person that I’m so much more, and this title doesn't illustrate my only capabilities. That’s when I realized that I fear the categorization of any one particular job. I feel limited when I have a ‘title.’ The way some women fear being labeled as someone’s “girlfriend,” do I fear being labeled as a company’s “employee.” When someone asks, “ So, what do you do for a living?” I would prefer to respond with, “Well, I write, I shop, I read, I travel, I love, I dance, I laugh, I pray, I drink coffee, I take long walks; so to sum up, I actually--live.

Life is made of up of the relationships we build, the trust we earn and bestow, the smiles and laughter that tickle our hearts and make us light-headed; feeling carefree and invincible. As humans we don’t need to be ‘defined,’ ‘masked’ or even ‘purposeful.’ We do need to embrace more; embrace each other, and embrace the way we breathe in the morning air. I find that the indulgence in the beauties of the world are what bring me peace and strength. The peace that there is someone bigger out there who is looking down on me and whispering, “be calm, be happy, and enjoy this life that I’ve given you.”

Baltimore

So I moved from Columbus, OH to Dallas, TX to Baltimore, MD within a 7 month period. Yes, you read that correctly. I've had 3 zip codes in 7 months. I don't see these moves as mistakes. I see them more as opportunities. I have had the luxury of packing and unpacking; of meeting people and adding them to my facebook contact list. The moves have helped me further develop myself as a humanitarian. I've realized through my moves that life isn't about the location that you're in, but more so about the people whom you are surrounded by. I live in Baltimore, and I live alone. I know no one and on weekends I end up lying on the couch for the 48-hour-break-from-work-span and ruin a severe, Saturday workout by consuming pizza and beer. There are bookstores, there are movie theaters, there are small shops and bars that would provide plenty of entertainment for a 24-year-old-girl living in the city. But, I'm not single. So, being alone in public-social places only invites strangers to want to "get to know me," and I'm not up for putting myself in that position.

Nonetheless, I just completed my first semester in graduate school. Hooray. I guess. I'm not sure about my program. What would appear to be "Publication Design," resulted in A+'s for me, but a lot of criticism explaining that my design ideas are too "corporate." Sorry for being classy and designing clean, crisp pieces. I mainly wear black and white clothing, and I enjoy wine and fancy restaurants, so no, you will not get Picasso art out of me. I do not wear Dr. Martin's and pair my outfits with eight different colored scarves that neither match my hair-color nor the polish on my nails. I enjoy simplicity with tints of class. I enjoy basic pieces that draw the viewer's attention straight to the point. I don't belong in this program.

Do I move? Again? Transfer schools? I've already been accepted into a university in Ohio for their Master's in Liberal Arts program. It's a program that incorporates more philosophy and serves as an easier transition for when I apply for my PhD. I have no idea what I'm going to do-- and I have 60 days to decide, get an apt, a job there and physically, move. They should offer a class in your undergraduate program that prepares students with my spontaneity and ADD-like decision making for these types of scenarios.

Whatever I decide, I will say that this Peroni beer and my tomato and cheese pizza are quite delicious paired with the 75 degree weather outside that I'm not enjoying.


Cheers.